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| Headlines | Poll Results | Statistics | XML | Action Log(2) | Notes(0) | Categories | Contacts | Locations | Subscribers | Changes |
| Title | Description |
| BURGER KING TO INTRODUCE WHOPPER SENIOR | "You won't bite off more than you can chew!" |
| UNRESFUL SPIRITS CAUSED SUPER BOWL POWER OUTAGE | "They must be appeased". |
| WINDOWS 8 PICTURE PASSWORDS HACKED | "Just look for finger trails". |
| NEW GOOGLE TECHNOLOGY WILL READ MINDS | "We are calling the project Google Mind". |
| DO NOT LEGITIMIZE "INFOTAINMENT" | That means garbage passed off as news, not my car stereo. |
| JESUS PEZ DISPENSER IS OFFENSIVE | A graven image of The Lord in the form of a toy that dispenses small wafer-like candy. It is an affront! |
| ANDROID TABLETS ARE A PAIN | I want the whole Internet. I'm not an Apple hipster. |
| NBC TO AIR PORN OLYMPICS | The Games Of The XXX Olympiad? Chicka Chicka Bow! |
| REBUILD BRENT SPENCE WITH CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP | Hey corporate sponsors, I've got a bridge to sell you! |
| PRETENDERS CALL THEMSELVES CHAMPIONS AGAIN | You should not get into the playoffs without at least a 9 and 7 record. |
| JUST MAKE SOME CHEESE AND PEPPERONI | No one wants a pizza with potatoes on it. |
| TIME TO UPDATE THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE | We can use it to weed out Muslim Arab terrorists. |
| PERSON OF INTEREST IS PROPAGANDA FOR BIG BROTHER | They are trying to sell us constant surveillance. |
| NEW POST OFFICE SLOGAN LEAVES US SCRATCHING OUR HEADS | How can they not know what that means? |
| WHAT IS THE CLOUD? | Data just flying around on wireless networks? Doesn't sound secure. |
| HURRICANE BEARS DOWN ON US MAINLAND. IS OBAMA TO BLAME? | He is the President. Why doesn't he do something? |
| MORE BIZARRE HAPPENINGS AT RED RIVER GORGE | Jersey Devil moved south, and cyclops people |
| MADAME SOPHIA LAROQUE REPUDIATES NEW ZODIAC | Ophiuchus is not a real sign |
| NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK CHANGING THEIR NAME | Now called DAMN KIDS OFF MY LAWN |
| NO CABLE TV? NO BOWL GAMES FOR YOU! | Football is a gladiator show for the rich only |
